I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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