So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
