hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
