i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
