he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize