he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
