I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
