Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
