Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
