Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
