I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
