Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
