I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
