I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
