I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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