some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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