I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
