you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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