He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
