Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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