Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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