saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
