You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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