Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
