I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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