How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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