There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
