I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
