he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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