You smell like stripper and shame
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
