He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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