ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
