I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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