oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize