Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
