so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My cat gives me a boner
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
PANTIES FOUND
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