This is not my ceiling
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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