Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
