its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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