it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
