Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
