before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
