all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
