Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
