i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
