That's when you crack a 10am beer
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
