omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
