There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm like, not good at living.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
