I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
