forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
