Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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