I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
