the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
