I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
