literally had 100 drinks last night.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
