I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize