the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
