it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
