Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
