I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
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