u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
