I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
