that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
