And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
