It's like God shit irony all over that family
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
