yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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