Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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