Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize