Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
