Where did you get a picture of my penis
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
