I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
