My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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