i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
