I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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