He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
