Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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