Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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