he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
